Loss is just another four letter word. RIP my friend

As we think about the crisis in the world and the fate of mankind beyond ourselves, sometimes we have to step back and look at the fate of our fellow man, of our friends.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in the complex political game that the US plays with the world and that the world plays with itself that we neglect the play between man and man.  Neglecting and mistreating those who are closest to us but screaming for justice and advocacy to those around the world.  We pain over the loss of human life for those that we sympathize with and celebrate the loss of life of those that are our enemies without conscious regard to the lives of our friends.  This is dedicated to a life that was extinguished yesterday.  A friend who should have been given the same kind of justice that we scream out for others.  A friend who saved so many other from the self destruction that comes with sheer stupidity and callousness, from selfishness and avarice.  A friend who stood there to catch others as they fell but no one bothered to catch his downward spiral.  Used and abused just as so many friends are and never having the inkling to use another.  Rest in Peace to Charles Victa.  He was a beautiful soul that deserved more than he was given.
He should have been honored as we honor our soldiers, he should have been cherished as we cherish our freedoms, and he should have been saved as we try to save the collapsing world around us.  He should have been given a chance at life, the same life that we, Americans, his fellow countryman, fight for everyday.  I can not imagine his sense of hopelessness when he catered to all of his friends yet no one catered to him, I can't imagine what he felt when he made the decision to take his own life.  I can only feel the backlash of the choice that he made.  I can only mourn the man who wasn't fought for as we fight for countless others that we've never met.  He deserved that fight far more than those around the world.  At least from me he did.
I ask that this be a lesson to everyone who neglects, mistreats, abuses, or ignores a friend.  They were not given to you by some unknown power to be mistreated.  Friends are a gift from God, at least the one I pray to, and a gift should always be cherished if only for the thought that went through the mind of the giver.  I can only feel so much pain for this beautiful man and can only cry so much for the loss of his life from this world and still I feel that it is not enough.  Still I feel that I have no right to grieve as I do when I only knew him for such a short time.  We were fast friends and his life had such a swift ending.  I may not grieve as those who have known him far longer but his loss is still a constant ache, his death still a terrible shock.
Even now I can feel the barbs of pain and loss constricting my heart as I am given one day to understand a decision that took months to decide.  As I repay his kindness with words that will not be suppressed.

July 30, 2010
"I made sure everyone was ok and saved them, what sucks is that I was left to sink and no one bothered to ask about me.....what a fucked up life.... MIDDLE FINGER up in the air" - Charles Victa

I only wish that I had been there to caught you as you fell, that I had been around this summer to see you descending and bring you back to the light.  I just wish that you hadn't been alone and for those reasons and more I will forever remember your love, your hugs, your giving heart, and alongside it all, your pain.  You have taught me a lesson that no book in school could have taught me, that no lecture by a renowned professor could have taught me, the hard lesson of life.  A life that I will value more because of your life and that I will also hate because you are no longer a part of it.  I don't know what all of you believe about suicide and Charles eternal soul, but I believe that God saw his child's pain and though the method of his child's death was not one of his choosing, God welcomed Charles's broken soul into the gates of heaven and into his arms for the eternal love that his actions on earth and care for his friends have earned him.

RIP Charles Victa
"I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark, and so was I. We found each other. We found each other in the dark." -Charles Victa

May your soul now forever live in God's eternal light. You left far too soon.